When You Wish Things Were Different Around the Holidays
For many parents, this time of year brings on a lot of stress and tension.
And among the planning and the shopping and all of the things, I wonder if you would be willing to take few minutes to spend some time with your wishes.
You can start, if it feels okay, with the wishes that you know won't come true; at least not right away, or in some cases, ever.
Perhaps you wish that a loved one who is no longer around, was still here.
Maybe you wish that your parent could show up in the emotionally supportive ways that you really need them to–in the ways that only a parent can.
You might wish that your partner had done more to support you through the endless, often high-pressure tasks that the holidays require.
Perhaps you wish you had more financial ease that would allow you to feel more freedom during these time and cost-intensive weeks.
Maybe you are wishing that your child's other parent could be more of the parent that you know your child needs.
You might be wishing that you had a strong, supportive and deeply loving partner by your side today.
Whatever it is, I invite you to spend some time with your wish.
You see, just because a wish isn’t likely to come true—and in some cases is outright impossible—doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter. In fact, it matters a lot.
And learning to be with these wishes can be a very healing way to bring some love and care to ourselves during this often emotionally charged season.
Here are some steps you can take to do this:
Take a minute to say it out loud. Mine sounds like, “I wish my dad were still alive.” Just writing those words out to you in this moment, touched the parts of me that wish so tenderly that he were still here.
Try turning to the parts of you that so badly want your wish to be true, and just be with those parts of you for a minute. Let their feelings be felt. And if it feels right, you might try saying these lines from the ho’oponopono prayer to them: “I am sorry. Forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” (Ho’oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian practice for forgiveness and reconciliation.)
And perhaps, after saying these words to the parts of you that are wishing that things were different; you can call the people involved in your wish to mind, and say it to them. “I am sorry. Forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”
If you have someone in your life that you know would be willing and able to listen well to your wishes, try doing this practice with them. You can take turns listening to each other.
Or maybe you can write these things down.
And if you would like to share them with me, I will welcome your sharing with care.
Stay tuned via my newsletter for part 2 of this post, where I’ll invite you to be with a different kind of wish–the kind that just might actually come true.