Take it slow, keep it honest
In many ways, 2020 reminded us of our humanity. As humans do, we were going along, each doing our own, unique best in order to feel safe, worthy and loved. And as life often does, it challenged us without warning and forced us to revisit the ways in which we actually are not, or do not feel, fully safe, worthy or loved. Through this very human lens, we saw how as a society, we are so vulnerable and dependent on each other. For me at least, there were many painful invitations to uncover, accept, reassess, and despite the uncertainty and fear, wake up every day and try to take the best possible step forward.
Many of us were presented with moments where we not only saw, but seized the opportunity to explore what it means to lean into this humanity of ours and meet the most fundamental, tender and beautiful need that it entails—connection; connection to ourselves, to our families, and to life.
So many of you reached out to me, because what you were not willing to give up in this year of loss, is the connection to your child. You reminded me of what it means to be a great parent.
What makes you a great parent is not necessarily your ability to perfectly hold space for a tantrum, be present during play, or speak with the perfect, unconditional and non-judgmental language.
Rather, what makes you a great parent, are the ways in which you, and only you, dare to honor your humanity through the relationship with your child, as you meet your needs for creative expression, connection, purpose and giving love. In doing so, you make it a sacred relationship.
The way you are able to move beyond false dichotomies that pit your child’s needs against yours, and move into the world of nuance, where putting them first does not have to mean putting you last. In doing so, you parent with spirit.
In this same world of nuance, lives a relationship where being able to always say an unshakable “I love you more”, gives you deep satisfaction, because it shows you the immense capacity for love that you never knew you had. In doing so, you recognize the divine that you carry within.
At the same time, you are learning to see your rage, intolerance and frustrations as sacred messengers of your story, and rise to the occasion of learning to tend to the wounds that they reveal. You find ways for these to make sense to your child, because they also have become a part of their stories. In doing so, you model self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, self-compassion, and true accountability.
You are the great parent that you are, because you recognize that the old patterns that make you think, believe and do ugly things, are also beautiful reminders of how you learned to adapt, survive and protect yourself. You learn to thank the parts of you that carry these beliefs and patterns, and release them from their burdens. In doing so, you practice self-love.
You see that reaching out for help does not indicate failure or weakness, but rather a commitment to rest and growth, an openness to deeper human connection, and a most brave measure of vulnerability and love. In doing so, you let the parts of you that feel unworthy of good care, receive the love and support that they have always deserved.
Moving forward in 2021 does not have to be a quick “pivot” where you rush to assess and then try and prevent as much damage as possible. It does not need to be the “best year ever”.
I invite you to allow it to be a continuation of the slow and honest process that conscious parenting and conscious living are. Harness your unique gifts, apply your hard-earned skills, and trust that timing and your creativity are on your side—allow them to work together for you. You will know what to do and when to ask for help. You will feel when you didn’t do it the way that best serves you or your family. You will repair with truth and humbleness. You will be given blessings and the wisdom to receive, nurture and share them with others. You will continue to be the deeply good, wise and honest parent that life chose for your child.
I share with you my commitment to slow and honest intentions with my family, as I dare to set the greatest goals for our future, and tend to the present with patience, learning and trust that we are exactly where we are meant to be right now.
I commit to these slow and honest intentions with my work, with you, as well. I choose quality, commitment and community. I trust that as in 2020, you and I will be my greatest teachers, as this dream and blessing of a vocation continues to unfold.
Thank you for being here.