Our children don't need us to be perfect parents.
Letting our children down can feel awful.
I don’t mean letting them down as in, “there’s no more peanut butter left”.
I mean those moments when our actions, attitudes and behaviors go off-track. When we act in ways we said we never would.
But the thing is, that our children do not need us to act perfectly.
That’s right. We don’t always need to act...
Perfectly in alignment with our values
Perfectly calm
Perfectly mature
Perfectly healed
But they do need us to know who we are.
Who we really are.
Beneath the roles we have learned to play in order to guard our hearts.
Behind the automatic, conditioned ways of relating and performing.
Beyond the fears and limitations we have imposed on ourselves (that we often no longer even see or question).
When we are willing to go there, we discover our inner knowing.
It is a knowing that our children can feel from the depth of their own hearts.
The knowing that has been there all along. Ever since we, too, were children.
This is the piece of the puzzle that gives us the confidence and courage to witness our unique inner world, with all of its complexity, nuance and paradox.
Healing means we learn to witness and care for all of the different parts of us.
To care for them as we want to care for our children – with acceptance, curiosity, compassion and accountability.
Healing also means we acknowledge that we have a choice.
That we can choose and own our values – and that bringing all of the different parts of ourselves on board is the key to being able to live in alignment with those values.
It is only in knowing who we are, that we grow our ability to show up as the leaders our children need.
It means that we have work to do.
It also means that we have much freedom, play and rest to do as well.
This work of a lifetime transforms our relationship with ourselves, which in turn, breathes life and meaning into all of our relationships.
When we know what we bring to the table, we are able to generously and freely give our best–and with accountability, own our worst.
The more we know and care for ourselves, the more our children feel that they can rest in our presence.
They can trust our yes, because we are honest and responsible with our no.
They can speak their truth, because they know that we can hold ours as we fully listen to theirs.
They can be imperfect, because we model that relating to our imperfection in a healing way is the most human thing there is.
I am not here to teach anyone to be “gentle mammas and papas”.
I won't tell you to breathe your negativity away and try to live in a state of permanent calm.
Rather, I want us to be in our authenticity as we play, practice and try on new ways of relating that bring us closer to our children.
Because most often, for children, relationship is the answer.
Today I want to remind us all that we can be the strong and loving leaders of our own (sometimes stormy) lives–and in turn, be the leaders our children are hardwired to seek in all types of weather.
Keep going & keep trying. I’m right here with you.