A Letter to the Deep Mothers

This one's for the deep mothers.

For the ones who can’t just say, “let’s exchange flowers and say Happy Mother’s Day, and call it a good one."

For those of you who through motherhood, have finally unearthed your longing for something more true and more connected for yourselves and for your families.

For the ones who open my emails expecting a message that resonates with you beyond the level of practical advice, and feels like an embrace from one mother’s soul to another’s.

When I asked a few of you at Friday’s Gathering for Mothers why you had come to the space, you shared your desire to feel connected to others in a deeply real way, to recharge on the level of the soul, and to experience time together that feels like a hug.

And as always, when women come together with these types of intentions, and the space is protected in such a way that makes room for everyone and invites reflection–we leave with the greater remembering that we came seeking.

Regularly hosting and participating in spaces such as these, has given me a body-based knowing of what Robin Wall Kimmerer talks about in her book, Braiding Sweetgrass when she writes, “Our elders say that ceremonies are the way we 'remember to remember.'”

I quoted from Wall Kimmerer’s book, as well as Mirabai Starr’s “Wild Mercy” last Friday, bringing them in as two of the many women who have mothered me through their writing.

You see, one of the biggest lessons I have learned about being a good mother, is that we must remember that we always need mothering ourselves, as well as some good sistering.

If your heart longs for something deep and meaningful today, to accompany the “ordinary miracles” (as Mirabai refers to them) of love that you will probably share with your family, here is an intention from me to you...

May you rest in the knowing that you are worthy of good mothering; that you can remember the ways in which you are held, grieve the ways in which you long to be held but never were–and know that there is room for all of these feelings.

May you know that you deserve good sistering, that you can be a sister and receive sistering from whoever it is that is able to show up in this way for you. That not everyone you call a friend–or even a biological sister–can truly sister you, and that is okay.

May you hold every part of your story as a mother with gentleness, deep love, and within an ever-expanding container. May you remember that the pieces of that story need some extra care today, can surface within you to receive moments of tenderness, seeing and love from you.

And also, amongst the grief and the pain that will always accompany a relationship of true meaning and depth between mother and child, may you experience many moments of "perfect wholeness" as Mirabai Starr describes,

“Then there will be those moments of perfect wholeness–many more of these than the broken ones–when you are driving together to a ballet lesson or the hardware store and a feeling of utter contentment will wash over you. Looking over at the being you call your son or daughter, you will say, “Do you know that you are my favorite person in the world to hang out with?” And they will smile and nod and say, “Me too,” meaning this person, your child, wouldn’t trade these times with you for anything. And something in your soul will understand that the torn fabric of the world has just been mended a little by the ordinary miracle of your love.”

In all of the ways that you mother, daughter, and sister, I see you and honor you today.

And finally, may we be emboldened through our connections to each other, to stand with our fellow mothers who today are unlikely to be able to celebrate and rest, and far more overwhelmed by the traumas and pain of wars, terror, genocides, punitive justice systems, poverty and every systemic ill that we are called to heal together. The good work that you are doing for them matters, is needed, and must continue.

If you would like to join me today in calling for a ceasefire in Gaza, or supporting the work of this organization on the ground who working hard for peace within the region, your heartfelt efforts are welcome.

With care,

Gabriela

If you know a mother who would appreciate these words today, feel free to share this blog post with them.